Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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