I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
