I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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