I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
