I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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