dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
