He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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