Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
