she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
