so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
