so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
