Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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