Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
