Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
