if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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