You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
