Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
