you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
