fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As shirtless as possible
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
