So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
