Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
