hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
