so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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