I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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