He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
