I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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