I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
