I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
