When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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