Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
