It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
