i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
