got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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