I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
