sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
