not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
