just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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