It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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