About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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