The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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