She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
