that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
