Where is the hickey?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
