Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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