Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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