I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
