is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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