His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
