I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
