this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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