I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
