I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Mom said you looked used
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
