hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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