i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
