You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
