Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
