somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
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