this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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