The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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