Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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