she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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