Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
