What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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