my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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