dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
