That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
