my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
