tell your sister to shave her snatch
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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