Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
