please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
