Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
